So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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