I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
