...so i touched it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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