Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
