i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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