you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
