hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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