Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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