Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
