That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I bet he comes in French.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
