I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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