I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
