Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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