I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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