Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
