I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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