Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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