there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
