Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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