she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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