I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
