i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Drake has all the answers
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
