She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
