I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
