Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
