We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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