You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
