It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
