I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
