thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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