I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
