Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In other news, I just burned my penis
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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