so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You dont lie about slip and slides
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
