And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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