I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
