you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
