Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
