We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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