he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
