i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
