Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize