I got chris browned last night
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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