So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
