I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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