I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
