i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
