Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
