I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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