he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
