I must be too annoying 4 u.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
