She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
