you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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