One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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