I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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