I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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