His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
In America we eat man semen.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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