everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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