When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
