My friends, they love my intelligence
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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