someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
