That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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