That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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