There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
