she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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