I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
