at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
