At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
