Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
