Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
