weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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